Couple's Therapy | Therapy with Cynthia Martin

Why Do Couples Go to Therapy, Anyway?

Let’s start with the obvious: no one goes to couples therapy because things are going great and they just wanted to share their overflowing joy with a third party. Most couples show up somewhere between tired and teetering—circling the same fights, feeling unseen, misread, or just plain stuck. Maybe the passion fizzled, the arguments got louder (or quieter in that scary way), or someone googled “emotional labor” and realized they’re doing all of it. Sometimes there’s been a rupture—an affair, a betrayal, a breakdown. But often, it’s the slow, steady ache of disconnection: you’re in the same room, but on different planets.

Here’s the thing, though: the problem is rarely just the surface-level conflict—it’s the way old wounds, protective patterns, and unmet needs are reenacted in the crucible of intimate partnership. And that’s exactly where the opportunity lies. In my work, I view the relationship as fertile ground for personal and relational transformation. Couples therapy isn’t just about helping you “get along better”—it’s an initiation into the idea that couplehood itself is a spiritual and psychological path, a place where you are invited (sometimes dragged, let’s be honest) into growth. Whether you're new to the idea or already deep in the work, I support couples in shifting from “how do we stop fighting?” to “how can we use this relationship to become more whole ourselves?”

So if you’ve ever thought, “Shouldn’t love be easier than this?”—you’re not alone. And also, maybe not. Love isn’t a reward for doing things right; it’s a mirror and it reveals everything in you that’s still learning how to trust, reach, and be seen. And that’s exactly where we begin.

What Actually Happens in Couple's Therapy

Despite what pop culture may have led you to believe, couples therapy is not me sitting silently between the two of you while you rehash last night’s dishwasher argument in stereo. Nor is it a courtroom where I decide who’s right (spoiler: usually neither of you, and both of you, at the same time). Instead, sessions are spaces where we slow everything way down so we can actually see what’s happening underneath the surface—beneath the sharp tone, the shutdown, the sarcasm, the silence.

We look at your patterns, track what fuels them (hurt, fear, longing, old wounds), and begin to shift it from the inside out. You'll each learn to recognize not only your own default moves, but also the deeper emotions and unmet needs driving them. And no, this doesn't mean hours of navel-gazing or taking turns reciting therapy-speak. It means practicing real-time emotional honesty, accountability, and repair—messy, brave, and often hilarious in its humanness.

We’ll also get practical. Expect psycho-education on attachment dynamics, nervous system regulation, communication scaffolding, and plenty of tools you can actually use at home. The goal isn’t just to fight less—it’s to fight better, love more clearly, and feel like you’re on the same team again. Because this work, while often intense, is also deeply hopeful. When you understand your cycle, you can transform it. When you understand yourself, you can share more of you. And when you both show up to the work with openness—even if it’s just a crack—that’s where real change begins.

How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Supports Lasting Change

EFT gives us a clear, usable framework for transforming relationship dynamics by going directly to the emotional bond itself—not just how you communicate, but why it feels so risky to reach for each other in moments of tension.

We work on helping each partner tune into what they’re truly feeling (usually softer emotions like fear, sadness, or longing that hide under anger or shutdown), and then learn how to share those emotions in a way that invites closeness rather than defensiveness. These aren’t theoretical insights—we actually rehearse and rewire these emotional moments in the room, so that you don’t just understand your patterns intellectually, you feel your way into something new, together.

Over time, couples begin to interrupt the spiral not by avoiding conflict, but by knowing how to return to each other more honestly. This makes vulnerability feel safer and strengthens the emotional bond at the core of the relationship.

Parts Work: Meeting the Many Sides of Ourselves

Most people know what it feels like to be of “two minds” about something: There’s a part of me that wants to connect, but another part feels really guarded. Or, I think that was a defensive part talking—what I actually feel is hurt. That’s parts work in action. It’s the idea that we’re not just one singular, unified self navigating relationships—we’re a whole internal system of emotional states, beliefs, memories, and strategies, each shaped by different experiences and each trying to help in its own way. But when those strategies run unconsciously in our intimate partnerships, they often cause misunderstanding and pain.

Learning to identify and speak on behalf of your parts—rather than as them—is a powerful shift. It creates space for what I often call the Self-Observation Mind: the calm, grounded, witnessing awareness in you that can stay connected even in conflict. When both partners can begin relating from that place, the tone of the relationship shifts: from reactivity to reflection, from disconnection to repair, from fighting to genuine emotional contact.

Relational Skills You’ll Actually Use in the Real World

Couples therapy is also about learning practical tools and frameworks that help you navigate the everyday terrain of a relationship with more awareness, clarity, and choice. I weave psychoeducation throughout our sessions, offering bite-sized insights and simple tools that help you make sense of your dynamic—and shift it—without needing to become a therapist yourself.

We’ll cover things like nervous system regulation—how your body responds under stress, and how to tell when you’re outside your “window of tolerance.” You’ll also learn about attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and earned secure) not as labels, but as useful maps for understanding why one of you might crave closeness while the other needs space.

We’ll also talk conflict: what makes it constructive vs. corrosive. That includes the big four that tend to erode connection—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—and how to replace them with skills like soft start-ups, accountability, repair attempts, and emotional responsiveness. If there’s been a breach of trust, I’ll guide you through the slow, specific work of rebuilding: not with empty promises, but with consistency and emotional transparency.

And if intimacy is part of your work together, we’ll explore desire differences, blocks to connection, and the difference between pressure and invitation, with compassion and nuance.

You won’t leave sessions with a vague sense that “things are better”—you’ll leave with language, practices, and frameworks you can actually use. Many couples tell me they begin to hear themselves using our tools mid-conversation: “Let me try that again,” or “I think I need a nervous system reset before we talk more.” That’s the work landing.

How Chance Actually Happens

Couples often come in wondering, Will this really work for us? And the answer is: it can—but not because I have a magic formula. Change happens when both people are willing to show up with some curiosity, a bit of courage, and the willingness to practice new emotional moves, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s not linear. But over time, something shifts—not just in how you talk, but in how you see each other.

Change often shows up subtly at first: less time stuck in looping arguments, more moments of repair, a little more softness, humor, or willingness to pause. Partners begin to take responsibility without collapsing into shame. Bids for connection get received. And when conflict does happen, it no longer feels like the end of the world.

Ultimately, it’s not about never fighting or never triggering each other. It’s about learning how to reconnect after the rupture—and trusting that doing so brings you closer, not further apart.

Safety, Inclusivity, and Boundaries

My practice is a space where all identities, constellations, and lived experiences are welcome. I work with couples of all sexual orientations, gender identities, relationship structures, cultural backgrounds, and spiritual traditions. I honor the many ways love can look—and the unique challenges that can arise when navigating identity, power, and belonging within a relationship. Whether you're a queer couple navigating family pressures, a neurodivergent partnership learning to decode each other's signals, or a mixed-cultural relationship facing invisible fault lines, this work will meet you where you are.

I don’t keep secrets. If one partner shares something with me individually that directly impacts the relationship, I’ll support you in bringing it into the room—but I won’t hold it privately. There are times when brief individual sessions may be appropriate to support the relational work, and we’ll discuss openly when that’s needed.

Couples therapy is a vulnerable space—but it should never feel unsafe. My role is to hold a grounded container where you can explore what’s hard, speak what’s true, and practice connecting in ways that are both braver and more compassionate than the old script allowed.

When Couples Therapy Isn’t Enough

There are times when couples therapy, by itself, isn’t the appropriate container. If there is ongoing physical violence, untreated addiction, severe coercion or control, or trauma that’s overwhelming one or both partners' ability to stay regulated, we may need to pause or shift the scope of our work. In those cases, I’ll offer referrals for individual therapy, group work, psychiatric care, or specialized support.

Therapy is most effective when both partners are able to take responsibility for their impact, stay emotionally present (at least some of the time), and are open to growing in their relational capacity. That doesn’t mean you need to have everything figured out—but it does mean a basic willingness to try. If one partner is unwilling to engage in the work altogether, or if the relationship is functioning in a way that consistently violates emotional or physical boundaries, I’ll help you explore other options—including separation support if that’s where the process leads.

Couples therapy is not about forcing connection at all costs—it’s about building the capacity to choose each other honestly. And sometimes, the most honest choice is knowing when the work belongs in another setting, or when a different kind of support is needed.

Getting Started

If you’re curious about working together, the first step is simple: reach out to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. This isn’t a sales call—it’s a chance for us to talk briefly about what’s bringing you in and get a feel for what working together might look like. I’ll ask you both what’s been hard, what you’re hoping for, and what you’ve already tried. If it feels like a good fit, we’ll schedule your first session and go from there.

Sessions are usually weekly or every-other-week. I’ll explain fees, policies, and scheduling clearly so you know exactly what to expect.

Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step—and sometimes even just showing up together is an act of hope. My job is to meet you there, with presence and care. From that first call forward, we begin the slow and worthy work of turning toward each other in a new way.

Closing Remarks

At its deepest level, the work of couples therapy is not just about solving problems or improving communication. It’s about entering into a conscious relationship with the forces of transformation that live inside and between you. Every rupture, longing, or moment of disconnection holds the potential to awaken something deeper—not just in your relationship, but in your own unfolding as a human being.

In a transpersonal frame, intimate partnership is a spiritual path. It invites you to confront your conditioning, your fears, your protectors and projections—and to meet yourselves and each other with compassion and humility. Relationships are initiatory. They reveal the places where love is still blocked by fear. And when held with care, they become vessels for soul work: spaces where the ego softens, the heart opens, and the self grows wider than it once believed possible.

Sometimes this work looks like sitting in the fire of discomfort long enough for something true to emerge. Sometimes it’s learning how to touch another with reverence, or how to be touched without flinching. Sometimes it’s grieving the illusion of control. And sometimes, it's the quiet miracle of feeling seen—fully, finally—and staying present in that seeing.

Therapy becomes the container for all of this. A place where the everyday meets the eternal. Where pain becomes a doorway, and love becomes a teacher. If you're ready to step into that kind of work, I’m here to work with you—not as an expert in your relationship, but as a companion to the deeper intelligence moving through it.

Couple's Therapy FAQ

Who do you work with?
I work with couples of all identities and structures—whether you're dating, partnered, married, monogamous, polyamorous, or somewhere in between.

Do we need to be in crisis to start therapy?
Not at all. Therapy can help during high-stress moments and when you simply want to grow, deepen connection, or improve communication.

How long is each session, and how often do we meet?
Sessions are 50 minutes and typically weekly, though we can adjust based on your needs.

What kinds of issues do you help with?
Common topics include communication breakdowns, conflict cycles, trust issues, intimacy challenges, parenting stress, and navigating transitions.

Do you offer tools or just talk?
Both. I support emotional exploration and offer practical tools to help you shift patterns in real time.

Can we meet individually too?
Sometimes. I may meet with each partner briefly to understand individual perspectives, but couples therapy remains focused on the relationship.

Do you work with LGBTQ+ and non-traditional relationships?
Absolutely. I’m affirming of all relationship styles and identities.

How do we get started?
Reach out here to schedule a free consultation and see if we’re a good fit.